Stay

“Hoping for a moment that I turn around and you’ll be coming after me, cause all that I can say is that it’s obvious you’re all I see.”-SafetySuit

IMG_5224Oh hello! This post is going to be rather short and more of a rant than anything. I’m apologizing in advance. This weekend was an emotional roller coaster and I’m still shaking it off. From the time I got in the car on Friday, I was a mess. My nerves were shot. I was running on nothing but coffee and a few hours of sleep. I was talking a million miles an hour. My emotions were all over the place. It wasn’t very pretty. Once I walked into my house and my mommy hugged me, I was instantly calm (for a minute or two). She found a ton of pictures and decorated all the walls with them. There were so many things I forgot about and seeing all of those pictures brought back a lot of good memories. It was so nice to have all my family and friends over on Saturday night for one last party, but it was filled with just as many tears as it was laughs. Everyone who had helped us move into the house was there. They were there to move us in, and there were there for every celebration after that. It made me realize that this move is affecting more than just me and my parents. It’s affecting my entire family. I felt bad about being so selfish when I realized my aunts would be losing their support system and my best friend would be losing her second home. When my dad gave a little speech, I totally lost it.  We sat at the kitchen table for the rest of the night, laughing till we cried, crying till we laughed. And of course, we had to have one last sleepover. Four people to a bed? Yeah, why not?

I couldn’t leave the house on Sunday morning to run because all I wanted to do was sit in my favorite chair as long as I could. I didn’t realize how upset I would actually feel because I’ve been so excited about my parents finally coming back to Philly. I’ve been completely detached from the town where my parents lived since I left for college. The only reason I would come home was to see my house. It’s beautiful and always filled with my favorite people. Having to say goodbye reminded me that that house has been home to me for 10 years. There are so many awesome memories hidden in those walls. It was a lot harder to say goodbye than I ever thought it would be.

IMG_5230When I woke up this morning I was hoping that I would feel better about this weekend, but that definitely isn’t the case. And on top of it all, I still feel guilty for missing a long run (and eating my body weight in pasta and maple bacon cupcakes). I only have a few more weeks until the race and the panic! is setting in. I’m going to try to put the stress of the move into the back seat and focus on my legs and lungs. I need to find a way to get my head and heart into a good place, so everything else can fall into place again. I’m the biggest mess of nerves. I really gotta work on finding new coping skills too because binging on coffee and running is starting to lose its effect. But hey, a month from now and it will be all over and I’ll be pigging out for Thanksgiving. How’s that for silver linings? I’m gonna be playing this song all day. Happy Monday to you all 🙂

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