Pretty Hurts

“The pain’s inside and nobody frees you from your body. It’s the soul that needs the surgery.”-Beyonce

IMG_6587Hey there. Happy Wednesday! Yesterday, I began my journey with Melissa, of M2 Photography, in a project that supports Rewrite Beautiful. I shared a little bit of my story on here, but I can’t wait to see the way Melissa writes about it on her blog. She has the most beautiful way with words, and even more so with pictures. Once the first sets of pictures are posted, you’ll be the first to know. My mom tagged along for the shoot and I’m so glad she was able to be there with me. I knew it was going to be an emotional day, but I had no idea I would feel drained and rejuvenated at the same time. Sharing my story with Melissa, face to face, was one of the most emotional moments of my life. Knowing that she knew how to relate to every single thing I felt was so comforting. For the first time, I didn’t have to explain my thoughts or behaviors, because she already knew exactly what I was going through. I’m not gonna lie…at first it was a struggle because in my head I was still so self conscious. A part of me still isn’t happy where I am physically, so getting comfortable in my skin in front of her took a lot out of me. But after a few minutes, and some giggles, I was much better.

photokI said earlier that I feel like this project came about at just the right time. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I spent the first day of April, the month I’ve been dreading for the past three, sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with the rest of the world. I’m terrified to open my TimeHop app over the next couple of months because I don’t want to be flooded with memories of what I wish were still here. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about where I was a year ago and how much I wish things were different right now. I was training for Broad Street. I was falling head over heels in love. I was the happiest I’d ever been. And while I’m a completely different kind of happy now, I still miss my old happy like crazy. But this project has given me a kind of strength I never knew I had. I was absolutely terrified when I stepped out of that car for the shoot, but I realized that it was because everyone was about to see me for who I really am, flaws and all. I’ve made some terrible mistakes, ones I wish I could take back and ones I wouldn’t change for the world. Even though I wanted to get involved with this project because of the strength someone else was giving me, I’m continuing the journey with my own strength.

I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for the past few weeks. It definitely gives me a boost when I need it. Stay tuned for more on my adventures with Melissa and Rewrite Beautiful. Enjoy!

 

*Photos above shared from Melissa’s Instagram page. Follow her here!

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