Annie

“Looks don’t make the world go round, but it comes around.”-Safetysuit Own-Kind-of-beautyHappy Friday my loves! Yesterday, my shoot was posted on Own Kind of Beautiful. If I told you that the day of the shoot was the most emotional day of my life that was a bold face lie. Yesterday takes the cake. I got the notification that my story was posted, and mid-meeting, I almost had an emotional break down. As I scrolled through the pictures, I just sat and cried. Seeing them brought back all the feelings I had that day, standing in front of a camera, with a woman I had just met, bearing my deepest, darkest secret. I don’t know how she did it, but Melissa broke down every single wall I have ever put up and made me feel more comfortable in my own skin than I knew was even possible. Yet as I was about to share the post on Facebook, I was terrified. I went through, scanned the pictures, and picked apart every single one, pointing out every flaw I could find. My stomach was in knots, my eyes were filling with tears, my hands were shaking, and I may or may not have been sweating a little bit. Then suddenly I stopped, took a deep breath (since I hadn’t for like 8 minutes), and pulled myself together. The point of this project was to show everyone my biggest internal flaw, the one that’s bigger than anything external. So what did it matter what I looked like on the outside?! I was about to bear my soul to the world. This was about accepting myself for everything I am, but more importantly, everything I’m not. I let that sit in and hit the share button. There’s nothing like a little vulnerability to make you feel alive on a Thursday afternoon. Own-Kind-of-beautyYesterday was a huge day for me. It felt like a new beginning. Like I finally started the life I want to live, forever. In the spirit of new beginnings and fresh slates, I started a cleanse. Not the juice kind, but the negative clutter kind. I went through my phone and deleted old pictures of people. I synced a ton of new music to my library. And most importantly, I went through my Instagram and Twitter followers and unfollowed people who I used to consider “motivation” aka fitness junkies, who spent their lives working out. I’d look through their post and think “Ok, this is going to motivate me to work out more”. But that never happened. Instead I would sit and compare myself to them, wondering why I couldn’t look like them. Rather than being the best version of myself, I wanted to be a version of someone else. Let me tell you: that’s just as unhealthy as eating McDonald’s every day. It’s time to do what feels good each day. It may be a run, it may be a class, it may be nothing. But whatever it is, will be right for just me. That being said, here’s what I worked for me this week:

  • Marathon Monday: two runs totaling 6.7 miles (it was a beautiful day in Philly)
  • Tuesday: 4 mile run and upper body weights
  • Wednesday: spin class and lower body weights
  • Thursday: 4 mile run and upper body weights
  • Friday: lower body weights and an hour tempo run
  • Saturday: back-to-back spin classes
  • Sunday: Yoga class and a day of shopping (shopping is cardio, right Carrie?!)

Own-Kind-of-beautyThis entire project has been a learning experience. And I want to thank you all for your patience, and more importantly, your love and support. You have all glued my heart back together and I will be forever grateful. I promise to continue helping everyone find and love what makes them beautiful. So cheers to the weekends, my beauties. And to a happy, healthy, more beautifully balanced way of looking at life 🙂 *All photos taken by Melissa at M2 Photography

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